Dear GPJ, on behalf of the ISG obfuscation committee, I gladly respond to your queries:
What holes are the various grades NTPs?
The ones on the greens of the par threes at Gardiner's Run golf course.
Do we have a magpie hole assigned?
Typically the magpies choose where they will be and don't bend to our will of assignment, but if you are a human magpie whisperer, we will be happy to utilise your services
What hole is the designated LD?
Actually it will be a fairway rather than a hole. It might be asking a bit much for ISGers to hole their tee shot to win a sleeve of visions.
How many carts are available, and does their use require a medical certificate?
Conventional carts are operated with a steering wheel rather than a medical certificate. I look forward to seeing these new models than can be controlled with a piece of paper from a doctor.
Do the tee markers comply with all OH&S Regulations?
You are right that most ISGers will be marking their cards on the tee, and we ask them to do this in accordance with OHS regulations. Don't store your pencil in your partner's eye when you have finished marking the card.
Are there any snakes on course, and if so, have their varieties been noted so that the correct anti venom if required, can be quickly administered?
Goldy has promised to keep his fly done up at all times.
When can we expect the groupings to be released?
In the period between now and the first group's tee time. Not after.
Who is providing the shotgun for the shotgun start, and is it in compliance with all firearms legislation requirements?
The shotgun will be provided by the manufacturer to an owner, via the commonly employed method of a transaction of sale.
Given it is to be a shotgun start, are we going to be provided with maps of the course, so that there are no undue delays in groups getting to their respective holes?
we envisage that the threat of a shotgun wound early on a Sunday morning will promote groups to move quickly.
Can you please not put me alongside Frank, because every shotgun start he's ever had, he gets sent to the furthest reaches of the course?
If you put Wozz and I together again, does that mean that we're officially going steady?
Its already official
Is anyone doing a course guide?
People's intimate relations with those employed as course guides are private matters.
What is the course rating?
A course rating (or slope) is a measure of the difficulty for an 18 marker in comparison to a scratch marker, it's useful for grading daily handicaps.
Do we have a copy of the lunch menu?
In fact, all the lunch menus are copies. The original is in a word doc file, that was then copied many times at a printer.
Yours kindly, GPJ.