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#1951 HitNhope

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 11:53 PM

So many things that could be said.... So many things that won't.


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#1952 hack2489

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Posted 11 May 2019 - 04:58 PM

A woman goes into a shop to buy a fishing rod and reel as a gift. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there's a shop assistant wearing dark shades. "Excuse me sir" she says "can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

The assistant replies "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's only $120.00".

The lady said, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The assistant rings up the sale and says, "That will be $165.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $120.00?"

"Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $120.00, but the duck call is $30.00, and the catfish stink bait is $15.50."
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#1953 Francie

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Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:32 AM

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

 

Engineer: "What's with these guys?   We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

 

Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

 

Pastor: "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.   Let's have a word with him.   -   Hi George.   Say, what's with that group ahead of us?   They're rather slow, aren't they?"

 

George: "Oh, yes, that's the group of blind fire fighters.   They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

 

The group was silent for a moment.

 

Pastor: "That's so sad.   I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

 

Doctor: "Good idea.   I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

 

Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"


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#1954 Francie

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 03:03 AM

I asked my boss, "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"

 

He said, "Just pop it in the corner".

 

Four ******* hours it took me!!


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  • Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
  • Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
  • Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012
  • Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
  • Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
  • Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013
  • Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013
  • Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 3rd at Long Reef GC (NSW) - 18/9/2018
  • Eagle - Par 5 - 8th at Cape Schanck GC - 18/3/2019
  • Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015
  • Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015
  • Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016
  • Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event
  • Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016
  • Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016
  • Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016
  • Best stroke score OTS - 77 - Gardiners Run GC - 11/11/2018
  • Captains Trophy winner (VPGC) - 2018

#1955 Birdie Blitz

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:03 AM

I asked my mate what's E.T. short for.
He replied "because he's got little legs"


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#1956 Francie

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Posted 18 June 2019 - 01:55 AM

A Chinese guy comes into the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking.

 

I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts like Kung Fu, Ju-Jitsu or Karate?"

 

He said, "Why da *** you ask me dat, it it coz I Chinese?"

 

"No" I said, "It's because you're drinking my ******* beer!!"


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  • Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
  • Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
  • Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012
  • Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
  • Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
  • Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013
  • Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013
  • Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 3rd at Long Reef GC (NSW) - 18/9/2018
  • Eagle - Par 5 - 8th at Cape Schanck GC - 18/3/2019
  • Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015
  • Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015
  • Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016
  • Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event
  • Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016
  • Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016
  • Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016
  • Best stroke score OTS - 77 - Gardiners Run GC - 11/11/2018
  • Captains Trophy winner (VPGC) - 2018

#1957 Francie

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Posted 22 June 2019 - 05:33 AM

I saw a midget carrying a plasma.   I went over to him and said, "Hey do you need help with that plasma?"

 

He said, "**** off ya prick.....It's an Ipad."


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  • Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
  • Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
  • Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012
  • Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
  • Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
  • Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013
  • Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013
  • Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 3rd at Long Reef GC (NSW) - 18/9/2018
  • Eagle - Par 5 - 8th at Cape Schanck GC - 18/3/2019
  • Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015
  • Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015
  • Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016
  • Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event
  • Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016
  • Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016
  • Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016
  • Best stroke score OTS - 77 - Gardiners Run GC - 11/11/2018
  • Captains Trophy winner (VPGC) - 2018

#1958 Francie

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Posted 08 September 2019 - 12:33 PM

Saw a beautiful Thai woman on the train today.

 

Kept thinking to myself, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection......

 

But she did!


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  • Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
  • Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
  • Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012
  • Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
  • Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
  • Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013
  • Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013
  • Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015
  • Eagle - Par 4 - 3rd at Long Reef GC (NSW) - 18/9/2018
  • Eagle - Par 5 - 8th at Cape Schanck GC - 18/3/2019
  • Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015
  • Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015
  • Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016
  • Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event
  • Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016
  • Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016
  • Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016
  • Best stroke score OTS - 77 - Gardiners Run GC - 11/11/2018
  • Captains Trophy winner (VPGC) - 2018

#1959 Toph

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Posted 08 September 2019 - 05:58 PM

What makes a good joke great?

I laugh. And when I retell it others laugh too.
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http://www.golf.org....icap/4070201550
What can possibly go wrong?

#1960 iRON MiCK

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Posted 09 September 2019 - 09:38 AM

I laugh. And when I retell it others laugh too.

Timing
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18.0 by Dec  2019  - 2.0 to go

 

2017 VIC ISG OOM "The Goldy" Overall Tour Championship Winner*

2017 VIC OOM #5 Gardiners Run Overall Winner

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* LoL

 

 

 


#1961 Sprtan52

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Posted 30 September 2019 - 11:18 AM

How do you figure out the sex of ants?

 

Put them in water.  If it sinks, it's girl ant.  If it floats, it's boy ant.



#1962 Sprtan52

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Posted 30 September 2019 - 11:19 AM

Sometimes I wonder, “why is that frisbee getting bigger?” Then it hits me.


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#1963 Schmuck

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Posted 30 September 2019 - 04:42 PM

Attached File  FB_IMG_1565081309126.jpg   40.6KB   0 downloads
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Nothing makes sense, except GOATS, they ALWAYS make sense

Ever noticed that Ducks swagger?

I am only half trying

"Be brave if you lose and meek if you win"




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