Jump to content




  • Please log in to reply
1 reply to this topic

#1 judgesmails


    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 7281 posts

Posted 19 March 2003 - 06:04 PM

Lines from the worlds funniest Alcoholic Accountant Norm Peterson from 'Cheers'

How's life treating you, Norm?
Like it caught me in bed with its wife.

How's life, Norm?
Not for the squeamish, Coach.

What's up, Norm?
My nipples. It's freezing out there.

What's the story, Norm?
Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.

What's new, Norm?
Most of my wife.

Beer, Norm?
Naah, I'd probably just drink it.

What's doing, Norm?
Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig.

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.

How about a beer, Norm?
Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.

How's a beer sound, Norm?
I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.

What's up, Norm?
Corners of my mouth, Coach.

What's shaking, Norm?
All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

Beer, Normie?
Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young.

Norm comes in with an attractive woman.
Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."

What's up, Normie?
The temperature under my collar, Coach.

What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Going down?

[Norm returns from the hospital.
What's up, Norm?
Everything that's supposed to be.

What's new, Normie?
Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach. They're demanding beer.

What'll it be, Normie?
Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Daddy wuvs you.

What'd you like, Normie?
A reason to live. Gimme another beer.

Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
All: [silence]

What will you have, Norm?
Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Call me Mister Lucky.

What do you say, Norm?
Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.

What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Hiya, sailor. New in town?

[coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
Norm! (Norman.)
Still pouring, Norm?
That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

What's the good word, Norm?
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
One heartburn cocktail coming up.

Whaddya say, Norm?
Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.

[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama]
Off-screen crowd: Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here? Cliff: He's got a life, you know.

What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.

How's life, Mr. Peterson?
Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.

What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Elope with my wife.

[Norm is angry.]
What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Clifford Clavin's head.

Hey, what's happening, Norm?
Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp.

What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?

What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
My cheeks on this barstool.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ... Eh, make that one-thirty.

How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
No, I meant `pour'.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer.

Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
Like a baby treats a diaper.

. Norm: Hey, everybody.
All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
Norm! (Norman.)
How are you feeling today, Norm?
Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.

What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven.

How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.

Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
And I need a beer to wash him down.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life?
Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end.

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer, Woody.

How's life treating you?
It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.

Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody? Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.

What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's just cut to the happy ending.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.

Beer, Norm?
Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''

Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?
Nope, but I am willing to add on.

What can I get you, Norm?
[scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

What are you up to Norm?
My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
You mean, `Nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.'

What do you know there, Norm?
How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?

Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.

How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Pretty nervous if I was in the room.

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
The warranty on my liver.

What can I do for you, Norm?
Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Another layer for the winter, Wood.

Sam: [answers the phone] Cheers! ... [to gang] Hey guys, it's Norm. [holds up the receiver]
All: Norm!
Sam: [to phone] Hey, what's shakin' man? [chuckles] [to gang]
Where does he come up with these things?

What's going on, Normie?
My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver.

Hey, Mr. P. How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut. Found him every couple of blocks.

How about a beer, Norm?
That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!

How are you Mr. Peterson?
Yeah...as if you care.

What's shaking Mr. Peterson?
What isn't?

How's it going, Norm?
Cut the small talk and get me a beer.

What can I do for you Norm?
Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?

How's life Norm?
Ask a man whose got one.

"What's up Norm?
God's in His Heaven, [pause] something, something, something.

Beer, Norm?
Yeah, that's it.

How's the world treating you, Norm?
Like I just ran over its dog.

How are you today, Norm?
I'm on top of the world...It's a dismal spot in Greenland.

What'll you have, Norm?
Fame, fortune, and fast women.
How 'bout a beer?
Even better.

Whatcha up to Norm?
My ears.

Beer Norm?
"Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?

Beer Norm?
I remember that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it.

#2 Turfers Paradise

Turfers Paradise

    2019 GCSAQ Queensland Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 18137 posts

Posted 13 May 2019 - 02:15 PM

How funny is this
DEBUT: US Masters, Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, GA 2016
DEBUT: ANA Inspirational LPGA Mission Hills, Palm Springs, CA 2016
Reacquainted myself with Karrie Webb, Australia's Greatest Golfer
Winner C Grade Gross 90/70 01/06/2019 Monthly Medal

‘99% of short putts do go in, they are the leftovers of your original putt’

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users