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#1876 Francie

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Posted 18 August 2018 - 08:25 AM

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bike, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the basket.    As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bike, the bottle would break.   So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.

 

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.


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Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012

Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013

Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013

Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015

Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015​
Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015

Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015

Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016

Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event

Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016

​Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016

Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016 

 

"If a foursome is pressing you, wave them through - and then speed up." - Deane Beman

 

http://www.golflink....k_No=3013311351

 

Lowest ever handicap - 7.5

 


#1877 OldBogey

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Posted 21 August 2018 - 10:24 PM

 This could happen at really any Club in a country town.                     

 

>http://www.youtube.com/embed/r0kIj_PIpaI


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#1878 OldBogey

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Posted 21 August 2018 - 10:25 PM

Bible Story.

After checking into the hotel, Father Willy O’Reilly finds a Bible on the bed-side table. 

He reads it for a couple of hours and then leaves his room and wanders into the lobby. 

There he strikes up a conversation with the pretty young receptionist.

After she has finished work, they share a few drinks in the bar and then retire to Father O’Reilly's room, but when the priest starts removing her clothes, she begins to have second thoughts. 

"Are you sure this is alright?” she asks ”I mean, you are a priest.”

“Don’t worry, my dear,” he replies, ”it is written in the Bible.”


She believes him and the two of them spend a very pleasant night together. 

But in the morning, as the girl is preparing to leave, she says, ”You know, Father, I don’t remember that part in the Bible you mentioned last night. 

Could you show it to me?”


So the priest takes the Bible from the bed-side table, opens the cover and points to the bottom of the title page, where someone has written in pencil, '

 

 

The girl in reception is a good root!'


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#1879 OldBogey

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    Defining and analysing humour is a pastime of humourless people

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Posted 23 August 2018 - 10:08 PM

Two Aussie blokes were out shooting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

So, they picked up the gearbox, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.

As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you blokes didn't happen to see my goat?"

The first bloke said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Nah mate, that's impossible! I had him chained to a gear box."


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#1880 Sprtan52

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Posted 24 August 2018 - 09:00 AM

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got one hundred in school today!

Mom: That’s great. What in?

Stevie: A 60 in Reading and a 45 in Maths.


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#1881 Sprtan52

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Posted 24 August 2018 - 09:04 AM

Goldy: Why did the M&M go to school?

GPJ: ...Tell me.

Goldy: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!


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#1882 Francie

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Posted 24 August 2018 - 11:00 AM

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.   As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads: 

 

COLD BEER : $5.00

HAMBURGER : $10.00

CHEESEBURGER : $15.50 

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50

HAND JOB : $250.00

 

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.  She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

 

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile.  "May I help you sir?" 

 

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?"

 

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, "Yes sir, I sure am."

 

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well then, be sure to wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger."


  • BarnEsy05, Bluethunda, iRON MiCK and 5 others like this

Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012

Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013

Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013

Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015

Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015​
Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015

Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015

Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016

Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event

Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016

​Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016

Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016 

 

"If a foursome is pressing you, wave them through - and then speed up." - Deane Beman

 

http://www.golflink....k_No=3013311351

 

Lowest ever handicap - 7.5

 


#1883 Sprtan52

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 10:30 AM

Nothing tops a plain pizza



#1884 Francie

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Posted 06 September 2018 - 03:45 AM

My Doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness.

 

I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."


  • Forrest Gardener likes this

Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012

Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013

Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013

Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015

Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015​
Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015

Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015

Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016

Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event

Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016

​Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016

Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016 

 

"If a foursome is pressing you, wave them through - and then speed up." - Deane Beman

 

http://www.golflink....k_No=3013311351

 

Lowest ever handicap - 7.5

 


#1885 Sprtan52

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Posted 10 September 2018 - 04:11 PM

Mick turns to his boss and says ' We really should stop testing our products on animals! '

 

The boss looked over at him and replied ' Why?, shampoo manufacturers do it all the time... '

 

Mick ' Yeah, but we make hammers... '


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#1886 Francie

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Posted 12 September 2018 - 07:04 PM

Why can't dyslexics tell jokes?

 

Because they always punch up the fuckline


  • iRON MiCK, El Barto, Sprtan52 and 1 other like this

Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012

Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013

Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013

Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015

Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015​
Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015

Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015

Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016

Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event

Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016

​Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016

Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016 

 

"If a foursome is pressing you, wave them through - and then speed up." - Deane Beman

 

http://www.golflink....k_No=3013311351

 

Lowest ever handicap - 7.5

 





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