Jump to content


 

Photo

jokes


  • Please log in to reply
1893 replies to this topic

#1771 RobNewy

RobNewy

    Captain Spud

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 11080 posts
  • LocationEast Melbourne

Posted 15 December 2017 - 08:18 PM

I farted in the elevator at my apartment complex this morning.

It was wrong on so many levels.

Never tell that "joke" again

Edited by RobNewy, 15 December 2017 - 08:18 PM.

  • iRON MiCK likes this
http://www.golf.org....icap/3010407059

So Max, if I don't respond to your comments, it's just because I'm ignoring you because I think you're an arsehole

#1772 MaxxOn

MaxxOn

    On Top

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 20222 posts
  • LocationThe Burrow

Posted 15 December 2017 - 11:25 PM

Cats are farked.

#1773 RobNewy

RobNewy

    Captain Spud

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 11080 posts
  • LocationEast Melbourne

Posted 16 December 2017 - 05:22 AM

Cats are farked.


Bloody hell.
How bored were you!!
  • Francie likes this
http://www.golf.org....icap/3010407059

So Max, if I don't respond to your comments, it's just because I'm ignoring you because I think you're an arsehole

#1774 Francie

Francie

    Inaugural Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 35635 posts
  • LocationMelbourne

Posted 16 December 2017 - 06:46 AM

Bloody hell.
How bored were you!!

 

A bit of post building??


  • RobNewy likes this

Inaugural winner "Castlemaine" Vic ISG golf day 2009
Inaugural Victorian OOM Putting Champion - Long Island 2011
Inaugural ISG National Golf Champion - Queensland September 2012

Inaugural winner Casey Rotary Golf Day 2012 - Part of the 'Dream Team'
Hole In One - 7th Hole Portsea GC - 9/10/2012
Long drive "champion" - Stinks 3 club challenge - 22/9/2013

Shipwreck Coast Classic - B Grade Men Winner (Warrnambool) - 9/11/2013

Inaugural holder - ISG TBPNTHWAOOM trophy - 2015

Eagle - Par 4 - 18th at St. Andrews Beach - 1/9/2015​

Eagle - Par 4 - 3rd at Long Reef GC (NSW) - 18/9/2018
Holder - Brass yacht trophy - 2015

Player of the Year (VPGC) - 2015

Winner - ISG Tombstone event - Lang Lang - 4/9/2016

Half of 4BBB Champion team with Commish - 2016 National Event

Half of winning finalist - Doubles Match-play team (VPGC) - 2016

​Team member - Winners of Australian ...... Matchplay Championship - 18/11/2016

Veterans Champion (VPGC) - 2016 

 

"If a foursome is pressing you, wave them through - and then speed up." - Deane Beman

 

http://www.golflink....k_No=3013311351

 

Lowest ever handicap - 7.5

 


#1775 Bully_BushRanger

Bully_BushRanger

    King Epon

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2358 posts
  • LocationSomewhere in my mind

Posted 08 January 2018 - 06:59 PM

About 6 months ago, I went to see my doctor. She told me my blood pressure was a tad high, as well as my cholesterol.

She advised I should eat certain foods to help with the cholesterol and to maybe do some exercise. She said I should walk about 10km a day and to get back in touch with her after 6 months. I said, "No worries doc, I can do that."

So this morning, I ring her from Longreach and ask her what do I do now?
  • BarnEsy05, Madam, Bluethunda and 2 others like this

ISG Vic 2013 MatchPlay Champion

 

ISG Vic 2014 MatchPlay Semi Finalist

 

ISG Vic OOM #3 Champion Sunday June 1st 2014 Heritage Henley Course (38 points with 2 wipes) Bout friggin time!!!!

 

ISG Vic OOM #4 Champion Sunday October 5th 2014 Sandhurst Champions Course (42 points with 0 wipes, 79 off the beater!!) Back to Back Baby!!!!

 

Caddy of the Year 2015 NWRGA

 

Kiwi "THE LEGEND"


#1776 iRON MiCK

iRON MiCK

    Moss Effect

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13926 posts
  • Locationwww.iseekgolf.com

Posted 08 January 2018 - 07:40 PM

Nice one Dad :D
  • Bluethunda likes this

18.4 by Dec. 2018

 

2018 Keysborough GC Gala Team Event Winner

2017 VIC ISG OOM Overall Winner

2017 VIC OOM #5 Gardiners Run Overall Winner

http://www.golf.org....icap/3010407931

"Team Frank" founding member

 

 


#1777 Bluethunda

Bluethunda

    ISG AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL 4BBB CHAMPION, WITH HARRO

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 17403 posts
  • Location#Iamacheat

Posted 08 January 2018 - 07:48 PM

A great looking sort hails a cab in the middle of Kings Cross and gives the driver the address. He keeps glancing at her in the rear view mirror when she confesses she doesn't have any money to pay the fare, and could she maybe provide some other form of payment.

The cabbie starts thinking and says sure, how bout a bit of pleasure to which the woman mutually agrees.

Cabbie finds spot just off the road, parks,,climbs in the back and they start the transaction. After 5 mins, another cab travelling the same road spots the first cab pulled over, and wonders what is going on, he pulls up, hops out and walks up to the cab, knocks on window.. Driver one rolls down window and driver two asks what is going on, driver one tells him of the woman's plight, says she is a good sort and if it's ok with her, could driver two have some fun as well. She agrees so in hops driver two, driver one jumps out into the second cab , drives off and the fun begins.


Another 5 minutes passes when a police car happens along the cab on the side of the rode. They stop behind the cab, shine torchlight into back seat and growl, 'WhTs going on in here??' To which the canoe replies, 'I am making love to my wife Sir,'

Sorry the police officer replies, I didn't know it was your wife.


'That's ok',said the cabbie, neither did I until you shone the fcuking torch into the back window'!!!!!!!!

Edited by Ji Bao He, 08 January 2018 - 07:51 PM.

  • Bully_BushRanger, Weetbix, RobNewy and 4 others like this
DEBUT: US Masters, Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, GA 2016
DEBUT: ANA Inspirational LPGA Mission Hills, Palm Springs, CA 2016
Reacquainted myself with Karrie Webb, Australia's Greatest Golfer

#1778 Sprtan52

Sprtan52

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 83 posts
  • LocationSth East Melbourne

Posted 09 January 2018 - 09:18 AM

What type of laptop sings??

 

 

A dell


  • iRON MiCK likes this

#1779 Sprtan52

Sprtan52

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 83 posts
  • LocationSth East Melbourne

Posted 09 January 2018 - 09:24 AM

If you need to start a fire using just sticks, make sure they are the same length, width and weight.

 

That way you will have a match....


  • BarnEsy05, Madam and iRON MiCK like this

#1780 Sprtan52

Sprtan52

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 83 posts
  • LocationSth East Melbourne

Posted 09 January 2018 - 09:24 AM

Or, if they are unequal, you can toss away the heavier one...

 

 

and use the lighter...


  • Weetbix and iRON MiCK like this

#1781 Sprtan52

Sprtan52

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 83 posts
  • LocationSth East Melbourne

Posted 10 January 2018 - 08:02 AM

How do you kill a Circus?

 

 

 

 

Go for the juggler..


  • Madam, Weetbix and iRON MiCK like this

#1782 Sprtan52

Sprtan52

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 83 posts
  • LocationSth East Melbourne

Posted 10 January 2018 - 08:16 AM

A man hears a knock on the door. He opens the door, looks around, and doesn't see anyone. He looks down and sees a snail. He picks up the snail and throws it as hard as he can.

A couple years later he hears a knock on the door, opens it, and doesn't see anyone. He looks down and sees a snail.

The snail says, "What the **** did you do that for?"


  • Bluethunda, RobNewy, Francie and 3 others like this

#1783 ink

ink

    Pawsome

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 35299 posts

Posted 31 January 2018 - 07:15 PM

Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
  • Weetbix, RobNewy, Francie and 4 others like this

#1784 The Robinator

The Robinator

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2970 posts

Posted 06 February 2018 - 05:04 PM

A university class is researching how often the class members have sex with their partners. The teachers asks for a show of hands for people who have sex at least once a week, a fair few smiling, content people raise their hands. Next he asks  for a show of hands for those who have sex at least once a month and a less enthused group raise their hands. He then asks if anyone only has sex once a year and one guy in the back row leaps from his chair and starts hooting and high fiving people next to him. The lecturer says "Why are you so happy with once a year?", The man replies, "Its only once a year, but, its tonight baby!"


  • Weetbix and iRON MiCK like this

#1785 Top_Cat

Top_Cat

    Top_Cat

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2753 posts
  • LocationMelbourne

Posted 11 February 2018 - 02:28 PM

A recent survey found that 97% of Collingwood supporters have had sex in the shower.....The other 3% just haven't been to jail yet.


  • Francie, iRON MiCK, dunteachin and 1 other like this

Hi, my name is Steve & I'm a golfaholic, I even go to the meetings
Melb Southern Suburbs 3195

Australia's most mediocre golfer.

He who rules the short game takes home the gold...Dave Pelz

 





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users