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...and that's when the trouble started!


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#1 BarnEsy05

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Posted 18 November 2008 - 11:29 PM

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the missus kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow, I always had something else to take care of first; the car, golf, fishing, get-together's with old mates at the pub, more golf - always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day from the course I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' ...and that's when the trouble started!
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#2 lucidair

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Posted 19 November 2008 - 09:20 AM

Hmmmm skating on thin ice springs to my mind...............

#3 frankyb

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Posted 19 November 2008 - 10:07 AM

Makes sense to me.

#4 BarnEsy05

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Posted 19 November 2008 - 08:29 PM

Whilst driving to the course, my mind in another world thinking about the game ahead, the car in front braked suddenly. I couldn’t pull up in time & ran into the back of it. There was a midget behind the wheel & he leapt from his car, ran towards me shouting & waving his arms about. He came to my door & screamed “I’M NOT HAPPY!!!!” I looked down to him & replied “So which one are you then?” ...and that’s when the trouble started!
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#5 Sonab

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 12:01 AM

rofl that is funny

#6 pom

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 04:24 AM

Keep em comin:-)LOL!

#7 BarnEsy05

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Posted 20 November 2008 - 07:36 PM

I walked into a petrol station the other day and asked, "can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" The lady behind the counter got me a KitKat Chunky and brought it over to me. "No!" I said "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat b*tch." ...and that's when the trouble started!
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#8 BarnEsy05

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Posted 21 November 2008 - 09:42 PM

I was watching my wedding dvd the other day when my wife walked past and asked me " Why are you watching our wedding dvd backwards?" I replied" Because I love the part where you take your ring off, walk down the isle backwards, get in the car & f**k off!" ...and that's when the trouble started!
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#9 BarnEsy05

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Posted 24 November 2008 - 06:51 PM

My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else. She said she wanted to come back as a pig. I said, "You're not f**king listening" ...and that’s when the trouble started!
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#10 BarnEsy05

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 08:03 PM

I was at a party on the weekend, had a few too many, walked up to the host & slurred " Do you have green coloured toilet paper that says 'F**k You?" "No, we don't!!" she said. "Oh...Then I must have just wiped my arse with your parrot." ...and that’s when the trouble started!
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#11 Malvern

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 09:05 PM

Lovin' em Barnesy, keep going

#12 BarnEsy05

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Posted 25 November 2008 - 10:13 PM

Watch this space!

#13 BarnEsy05

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Posted 26 November 2008 - 08:06 PM

The missus told me that as things were a bit tight financially we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for!! ...and that’s when the trouble started!
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#14 BarnEsy05

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Posted 27 November 2008 - 08:13 PM

It was a beautiful, warm, spring morning and the wife & I decided to spend the day at the zoo. She wore a cute, loose fitting, almost see through pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. The zoo was not very busy this morning. As we walked through the ape exhibit, we passed in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla goes ape.(funny about that) He jumps up on the bars and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at my pretty wife in the wavy dress. I noticed the excitement & thought, this is funny. I suggested that she tease the poor fellow some more. I said “Pucker your lips, wiggle your bum at him, and play along.” She does, and Mr Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then I suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up and flashing your ******" I said. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy, and now he's doing flips and has a hard-on like a baseball bat. So then I grabbed her, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla, and slammed the cage door shut. "Now tell HIM you've got a headache"! ...and that’s when the trouble started!
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#15 BarnEsy05

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Posted 28 November 2008 - 07:54 PM

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "Whatever did I do to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" ...and that’s when the trouble started!




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