Chucked a (legitimate) sickie today. But it got me wondering:

What are the best phony excuses people have used (or heard)?

I have a feeling that Judge may be able to contribute some rippers here...

I once worked with a guy who claimed that his grandmother had had a heart attack on the driveway of his house blocking him from getting his car out. He also claimed that she could not be moved as the ambos were working furiously on her to save her life and that eventually she had to be airlifted by ambulance to hospital, the helicopter having landed on and taken off from his street.

We were later to learn that he had many "grandmothers" with many health conditions, some of whom died at the most inopportune times, over and over again. Luckily he was a good bloke and very funny or he would never have survived. It did infuriate the hell out of his management though.

I have seen him in recent times and he now ascended to a senior management role himself and still laughs when reminded of those tales. I often wonder how he would react if the boot was on the other foot.

my favourite was the guy who rings up at 3.30pm and simply mumbles "sorry, cant make it to work today...bye [click]"

considering that work starts at 8.30am he obviously had no idea he had slept in that late - was still completely off his face from the night before. at least he had the right intentions.

working in the public health system when a bout of gastro is going around, just ring up say i've got the shits,,,, instant 2 days off without needing a doctors certificate.

Funniest one I heard was when me and a mate chucked a sickie to go play golf one day. We took his work ute and on the way back we passed his boss who was driving the other way. As the ute was for work purposes only, and there was no mistaking it for another car due to the signs on the side of it, my mate knew straight away he was neck deep in the sh*t.

Quick thinking, he grabbed the mobile phone and called his boss, and spun the biggest bullsh*t story I've ever seen - I can't remember it all, but it involved a emergency dash to give a friend a lift home from the golf club, and some sort of medical emergency that presented itself along the way.

When he was done, he hung up, turned to me, and asked what I thought of his story. I was pissing myself laughing, and just told him that he shouldn't have mentioned the golf club at all - especially since our clubs were in the back of the ute, and there was no way the boss could have missed them.

Col

An apprentice at a place I worked at years ago had a girlfriend who worked as a receptionist at a medical practice, and he got her to pinch a pad of blank doctor's certificates, which he used whenever he had a sickie. As it turns out, he used to get his girlfriend to fill out the certificates, using fancy medical terms to make his sickies look authentic. Nobody suspected anything while the certificates had illnesses such as "URTI" on them, but he eventually came unstuck when he presented a certificate that said he was sick the previous day because of a hysterectomy. And so his scam (and apprenticeship) thus ended.

The best one is simply:

'I can't come in today, but I can't tell you why'

Makes it sound so serious and personal that 99% of people will not dare ask any further

A guy in our pennant team used this an hour before a pennant game about 10 years ago - we still don't know why he didn't play!

Boss: " You are late"
Employee: " Sorry its 10am ig deal. I overslept."
Boss: "Really"
Employee: " Bit of a party last night."
Boss: "But where were you yesterday???"
Employee - realises its Tuesday not Monday!!!!!

Moral to the story: If you wake up with no hangover check what day it is.

Master 2005 which tiger won on the Monday at 5 in the morning i sent a text to the boss to say look Tiger is in contention for the Masters i dont want to miss it. Reply was a knock on the door at 7 am to join me on the lounge to watch tiger take his place in history.

slightly different approach - the sickie you have when you are at work

I was working at an inner city sydney Police stn and lived in the western suburbs way back in the early 80s. I had a party at kensington so i went from there into work at about 1am as i was due to start at 7am. I told the night shift to wake me at 6am. I went up to the Licensing office and stretched out and went to sleep.

Well i was woken by the Licensing staff when they started at 9am only to find that the old sarge had been ringing around everywhere trying to find me , had finally given up and called someone else in to replace me for the day!!!!

I'm surprised they couldn't hear me snoring!!!

QUOTE: Aussie Mark @ Apr 21 2006, 11:53 AM

An apprentice at a place I worked at years ago had a girlfriend who worked as a receptionist at a medical practice, and he got her to pinch a pad of blank doctor's certificates, which he used whenever he had a sickie. As it turns out, he used to get his girlfriend to fill out the certificates, using fancy medical terms to make his sickies look authentic. Nobody suspected anything while the certificates had illnesses such as "URTI" on them, but he eventually came unstuck when he presented a certificate that said he was sick the previous day because of a hysterectomy. And so his scam (and apprenticeship) thus ended.

hahahaha - thats hilarious...was the girlfriend blonde or was she just looking for a quick way to break up?

QUOTE: grumpy_dog666 @ Apr 21 2006, 04:22 PM

hahahaha - thats hilarious...was the girlfriend blonde or was she just looking for a quick way to break up?

She was definitely young and dumb.